So for an early bday present for myself, I snuck a copy of Suzanne Collin's The Mockingjay from work and read it last night (til I finished it)... took about 5 hours but ohhhh :'D



I was so worried to read the conclusion to the this series, after Breaking ~Fail totally fucked up my favorite Twilight books.... but this was so, SO much better :D It was amazing and heartbreaking and wonderful and it tied up the ends so well... Stephenie Meyer... you could be schooled by Suzanne Collins, js js ;D If anyone wants to the read the first book in the series (The Hunger Games) let me know, I'll hook you up with a link!



My birthday is in a half hour and IDK IDK... it's not like I'm thrilled to be turning 23 and still working at Borders but I'm OK WITH THAT. I'm happy, for the first time in a very long time. I feel like I've lost too many friend this year over my own mood-swings. I apologize, honestly, sincerely, to all of you who have put up with me. I'm fickle and petty and ridiculous but I've recently turned over a new leaf. Really. I just... I want to be happy and I'm going to keep happy and I'm sorry for any of the shit I've ever put you through. I miss Erin and I miss Michelle but they're gone. I lost them because of my own shit and I REFUSE to lose any of you for the same reason. There's one quote, from Boy Meets World that reminds me everyday of what I do not want: Lose one friend. Lose all friends. Lose yourself.

I don't want to lose you and I don't want to lose myself ♥ I'm working on things and I'm happier and I'm just going with what ~is.

I'll leave you with my Boy Meets World quote ♥ it's at the end, but it's my favorite. Love you all, so much. Hope you all have a great weekend!!!

Remember that last post I made, where I applied for a supervisor position at Borders and I wasn't sure if I was happy with the idea of staying in one place (especially the suburbs) for much longer?


Well



forget that



Because I didn't get the job.



And see, much as I want to look at the bright side, that I can go elsewhere now but wait, no one is hiring or maybe take a leap of faith and go back to work for Disney.....


I WORKED THERE FOR SEVEN FUCKING YEARS. 7! I had experience in this position from the holidays when I was interim supervisor. I have almost epic experience in the store and I just... I'm crushed. I feel so embarrassed. All these people I work with, all of them were telling me how they wondered why they didn't just "bump" me up because I was the obvious choice.... and I told them all that everyone should have a fair chance to get the job and now... I just feel humiliated.


I feel fucking worthless.


I'm not sure the best way to go on after this. My heart feels so crushed right now, I don't see how I can stay at Borders, especially that store. My general manager, when breaking the news to me, told me that she "really, really wants to see me in a supervisor position... we'll figure something out for you".... WELL OK THAT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER. Why don't you just continue to use me for the next several years and not ever give me a raise because "Borders just doesn't do raises anymore, budgets are tight".


GET FUCKED.

I am upset and angry and I feel like shit. The hookah and the beer tonight didn't really help. I wish it had, I really wish it had.



Goodnight :(

It's been a long time since I've done an entry and I apologize for that; I feel kind of alone and kind of worried that by making a post and receiving no comments will just solidify that lonely feel : / What is new? Hmmmm.... My brother got engaged at the end of June and I'll be in their wedding next September, so that's exciting :) I won tickets to the Kings of Leon concert on July 24th (FOURTH FUCKING ROW) but we had to leave early since our ride was sitting in the lawn and it started to monsoon :( I was pouting about it for a while but I'm over it. They'll be back again when their new album comes out, or else I'll drive to wherever they come nearest, so it's not the end of the world.


I haven't been able to write in a long time, which is unsettling. Usually I have so many random, little ideas and I can just sit down and write them out but lately it's been a block. It's sad. It makes me depressed and then I feel kind of worthless. I feel like writing is one of the only things I'm good at, and if I can't do it, then what do I have?


I've seen this movie three times already and I can't get over how much I love it:



I read this book series and I want to recommend it to everyone I know-- they're a little slow to get into but believe me, you will get sucked in and love it and ship lisbeth/mikael (or, well, I hope you will <3) and you will be so sad that the author died suddenly in 2004 and there's no more books left :(



And now that I've taken up so much space on your timeline, I'll tell you why I'm excited about the month of August ♥ First, I went to the White Sox game yesterday with some family and friends and it was so much fun :D we tailgated and watched the boys win against Oakland, 4 to 1! Second, the long-awaited last book of my favorite young adult series EVER is coming out on the 24th :DDD

I'm really excited that the author has written the screenplay for the first book and, I swear to god, if they don't cast Alex Pettyfer as Peeta, I will die D:


And LASTLY.... my birthday is on the 21st. I'm not expecting anything from my family, since we're trying to sell the house and my sister and I are looking for an apartment, but it's still a nice day to look forward too. Maybe I'll try to get the day off work and roam around the zoo or the city with my camera.

Now that I've written such a long ass entry and you're probably bored of reading at this point, may I ask how you're doing? I haven't kept up with LJ lately and I feel like I've failed some of you deeply as a friend. I'm sorry <3 If you read this far, leave me a comment and let me know what's up with you because trust me, if you're reading this, I MISS YOU ♥